بسم الله الرحمان الريم

السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
~May these personal reminders be of sincere beenfit to you and reach you in the best of unwavering emaan, exemplary taqwa and polished health always, ameen.~

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My tears have now gone dry...

Have you ever stopped and wondered, wondered why certain things occur in the manner in which they do? Do you ever wonder why you keep being tested with the same situation again and again? Sometimes these thoughts cross my mind and then I have to stop, take a deep breath and revaluate. . . To be completely honest, the answer is really quite simple, thus I put myself to the test: Do you ask Allah (Swt) to forgive you your sins? All of them? Are you amongst those that ask Allah (Swt) to protect you from committing future sins? But then what? What do you do? Do you make every effort to make tawbah (repentance) every single night before going to sleep? No, for you probably exert extra caution in ensuring that you don’t displease your Lord in the first place? (Hmm?) Dear readers, if we really think about it – who are we fooling? Certainly not The Lord of the Worlds, for it is our soul alone that we are gambling with.

Why do we forget the effects of our trials a mere a few days after having experienced it? Were the shed tears not sufficient to remind us of the ache our heart painfully bore? When I think of my situations: tests; trials; as well as the blessings from Allah (Swt), I can’t help but wonder if my ‘re-living’ the actions again and again is as a result of my failure to produce worthy outcomes.

I recently brought myself to admit this reality: the beguilement of the soul by my very own pretences: ‘sweet hope’. I thought my wishful thinking had gained me true hope, but rather, maybe, it just simply covered my eyes with fake, often too familiar, wool. So as I sat, pondering; feeling sad and on the brink of despondency, something, not quite sure what or how, but something hit me and the heavy grey cloud hanging over my head begun to slowly disperse, with sudden beams of ray seeping through my thoughts. No! I refuse to believe that my Lord wants me to be filled with despondency. Of course we must ponder; reflect; and most certainly call ourselves to account, but to begin to lose hope – no, for verily that is tantamount to disbelief. So yes, I must continue to reflect and question – my own self – whilst simultaneously resting my heart assured that things will never be exactly as we want . . . and that’s okay, for we do not live for ourselves, we live for our Lord (Swt). Thus as long as we continue to strive and seek His pleasure wholeheartedly, with no corruption of the heart being present, then what could possibly be more comforting?

Well, of course a sign or indication that one is heading in the right direction would be great, however how exactly is one to know when that sign or indication arrives? So as I bring myself back to reality, I must remind my soul that this journey must still go on.
Over the rocky hills and mountains, through the deep ice-cold lakes and oceans and upon unpredictable terrain. . . the journey must still go on.
So as I sit wiping away at my tears and thanking Allah (Swt) for the trials that go experienced again and again and again, I feel a sense of contented victory at the fact that He (Swt) Knows me, not as I know myself, but far greater.
“If they repent then I am their beloved friend, for I love those who repent and I love those who purify themselves. If they do not repent, I am their physician (tabeebuhum), and I will try them with afflictions to cleanse them of their faults.”
[Ibn Qayyim (rh), ‘The Invocation of God’, p.83]
Alhamdulillah (all praises are to Allah), for my heart has once again found contentment - sweet and peaceful contentment. Thus I pause, reflect and sigh . . . Alhamdulillah . . . for my tears have now gone dry.

4 comments:

serendipitouslife said...

JazakAllahkhairun. Thats a very honest piece of writing.
Most of the time we look at external factors when wondering 'why' at trials.
We fail to see that the causes may be within us.

Umm Thameenah said...

Ameen, Jazaakillah khair ukhti,

May Allah (Swt) bless us all with the ability to learn from eevry situation and remove harm wherever possible - even if it be from ourselves - ameen.

-x-

Orangemuslim said...

Assalamualaikum w arahmatulahi w abarakatu,
Subhna'Allah I remember exactly this being discussed at a study a circle I attend.We were going through the name Ar-Rabb which roughly translates to the nuturer--bringing one from a deficient state gradually to a perfect state without one being aware of it-- (more aspects to the name just the general meaning)
When the question came up? Why are we being tested over an over with the same situation?

This is Allah subhana wa ta'ala's way of nuturing us.He is trying to reveal to us certain defects (defects of the heart that we might not be aware of) by putting us through tests and trails.Unfortunately many of us fail to realise this and make the same mistakes over and over.The intent of the trial is to reveal and then for us to rectify our defects inorder to purify ourselves/heart.One of the greatest ni'mah is Allah revealing to us the sins of the heart ( eg. jealousy, bad thinking of your lord or even kufr ) wa Allahu ta'ala alam.

Quoting from what sr Serendipitiouslife commented above
....
We fail to see that the causes may be within us.

I absolutely agree!

Umm Thameenah bint Luqman said...

Wa 'alaykum salaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,

Dear ukhti,

Jazaakillah khair for sharing your beneficial thoughts. I couldn't agree with you more sis.

-x-