'And so I ask. . .?'

Do you even see me? Or not?

Am I something you acknowledge from within?

Have you ever asked me? Or not?

I've never once uttered that I was free of sin.

Do I look content to you? Or not?

Though you clearly recognise the twinkle in my eyes.

. . . Am I oppressed? Absolutely not!

For I live, to return beyond the skies.

© Dec 2007 Umm Thameenah

Our forgotten reality

There are no words to really describe the feeling of loss. . . The feeling as though something you've known, loved and cherised can so easily be taken away.

The reality of our life remains misunderstood. We are the possessions of Allah (Swt) and He (Swt) can do with us, whatever He (Swt) Wills. Yet through His immeasurable Mercy and Kindness, He provides us with the perfect means to seek His love. A love that awakens hearts and fulfills empty souls - the true sweetness of emaan.

How many times I'd pondered over this saying; the sweetness of emaan, and wondered what it truly meant. Now, whether Allah (Swt) has ever bestowed its treasures upon me, He (Swt) Knows Best, however the pearls and jewels that He (Swt) has enable me to witness; the sweetness that has touched my heart and soul is. . . truly beyond description, leaving no words to do justice to its weight.

. . . So I ask (myself first and foremost), what has been prepared for the standing before Allah (Swt)?

. . . It was never about them anyway.

Before the breaking of dawn, my mind gathers thoughts of what is to come, what is to be and what is to be seen.

When the overwhelming feeling of 'knowing Allah (Swt)' - wiith our limited knowledge - overtakes our disposition, we feel the need to embark upon all that renders our heart true remembrance and love of our Lord (Swt). But how ironic and quite obscure that the observance of such a state, learning to know and love one's Lord, could grant a servant of Allah (Swt) the disapproval of other servants - though they too are merely in search of the same.

If the focus was never about their pleausre, never about their acceptance and never about their appreciation. . . Then why should it ever come to that? For the authentic hadith of the beloved Rasool (saw) has forewarned us:

He who seeks the pleasure of the people, through gaining the displeasure of Allah (Swt), then Allah (Swt) will be displeased with him and will make the people displeased with him.

But he who seeks ths pleasure of Allah (Swt), through gaining the displeasure of the people, Allah (Swt) will be pleased with him and will make the people pleased with him.

So let us remind ourselves that our prayers, our sacrifices our lives and our death are only for Allah (Swt). Strive for His (Swt) pleasure in all that you do and perform your actions in such a way that you do not merely claim love of Allah (Swt), but rather, that you fall deeply in-love with Him (Swt).

For despite what others may think or say . . . it was never about them anyway.

'For the Tears that I Cry . . .'

For the tears that I cry, I ask of nothing

For there is nothing that can convince me once again.

For the tears that I weep, I'll exchange silence

For my isolation is more comforting than a friend.

For the tears that I shed, please grant me patience

For only You can truly comfort my aching heart.

So for the tears that I cry, bestow upon me solace

For without You my world would surely fall apart.

© Nov07 Umm Thameenah

Having tasted sorrow

With tears in my eyes and thoughts in my mind, I seize my urge to stain the pages of my blog.

This Ramadhan has been a real reflective ground, a means for me to really get to know . . . me. Waiting anxiously for the last ten days, as I first strive through the remaining eight, thoughtfully I write. Reason for this entry? Unknown. . . but needed:

'Such benevolence had my Lord bestowed upon me

Giving me the true feeling of floating ashore.

So, how could I possibly have understood the essence of joy

Without ever having tasted sorrow long before.'

© 2007 Umm Thameenah

Allah (Swt) Knows and We know not

In the heat of the moment we hasten to take shade, contemplating the intense situation in which we are placed. Can this really be? Is this actually for me? We question, ask and ponder over the possibilities of being faced with what we think is far too unbearable. Is it we who know, or Allah (Swt)? So who is it that we question? Our souls – for its weakness? Our hearts – for its hardness? Or ourselves – for our own misunderstanding. For our Lord – Al Aleem (The All Knowing) informs us:

You may like a thing that is bad for you, And you may dislike a thing that is good for you, Allah Knows and you know not.

So when such thoughts enter into thy mind . . . pause . . . reflect, and take heed: For truly . . . there is goodness in all things.

‘When will it all end my Lord?’ She quietly sighs. And refrains from uttering anything else forbidden

To this, her Lord doth Smile at her As He Alone Knows what goodness is kept hidden.

© 2007 Umm Thameenah

Yaa Rabbi. . .

A few days ago, feeling somewhat despondent with my spiritual state, I asked Allah (Swt) to show me a sign. . . Truly the Almighty answers the calls of His servants, for He did exactly that.

For weeks I hadn't experienced the test that I'd been suffering for years - a true Rahma from Allah (Swt). But of course as insaan we are ungrateful to our Lord, and even if we think we are amongst those that give enough shukr, our shukr will always be lacking - for we are forever indebted to Allah (Swt). So foolishly assuming that my 'peaceful', non-testing situation was a call for alarm bells I wanted my Lord to reassure me that He hadn't forsaken me.

And so I did and then. . . it began.

The same test that Al-Halim (The Clement) had taken away from me, had now been given back. 'Be careful with what thy ask for, as Allah (Swt) may just answer your call.'

Yaa Rabbi.

Forgive me, for I know no better

And know not what my tongue did say.

Yaa Rabbi.

Forgive me, for I forgot your Rahma

And asked for something You had taken away.

© 2007 Umm Thameenah