A Blessed 'little' act of Spontaneous Kindness

Alhamdulillah, another sacred day... one blessed year on. Having arrived in London yesterday morning, I had mixed feelings at the thought of travelling to a place – during this special time of year – other than that of the Sacred House. استغفرالله, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, at least I was having a holiday… right? Well, to be perfectly honest, I would have preferred to have remained in Saudi for the Hajj holiday if I knew my doing so would mean a visit to Makkah, but that, I knew, would not be possible this year. الحمدالله رب العالمين, it has been exactly a year since performing the greatest journey I’ve experienced to date. Now, watching my fellow sisters and brothers on this precious Day of 'Arafah, fulfilling their dream of visiting the Sacred House, fills with me immense happiness for them, and gratitude for having completed my own this time last year. سبحان الله , I am a ‘حاجه’ (the name attributed to one after having performed Hajj) – I, by the grace of Allah, have performed and, with hope, fulfilled the fifth pillar of my deen, والحمدالله.

For all the fortunate sisters and brothers performing this great deed this year, may it truly be a Hajj Mabroor for each and everyone one of you, ameen. And for the rest of us, gazing with hope and yearning hearts, may the sincerity of what we harbour be proof enough of our sincere love to follow in the footsteps of our beloved Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم). Bi-ithnillaah our time will come (again) soon, ameen, for verily with sabr comes the very best of rewards, inshaAllah.

“The planning of The Almighty (Allaah) is better for you than your own planning, and it could be that He deprives you from what you ask to test your patience. So let Him see from you a determined patience and you will soon see from Him what will give you joy…” (I received this very beautiful message yesterday, but do not know who sent it. May Allah reward the sister greatly, ameen).

As our fortunate sisters and brothers accept the greatest of all invitations to visit the House of their Lord(Swt), let us too accept the gift of Allah (Swt) by performing good deeds for His Sake Alone. So, as we enjoy the last of the most sacred 'days' before the end of the 1431 Hijri calendar, allow me to add one more 'liitle' act of 'ibaadah to your blessed scales inshaAllah.

***Think ahead to Tues morning, inshaAllah. You’ve completed the ‘Eid salaah, listened to the beneficial khutbah and are about to walk out of the masjid when… a sister, you’ve never seen before, approaches you, and with a beautiful smile she shakes your hand and gives you something… a gift on the blessed day of ‘Eid***

A few nights ago, as a dearly beloved companion of mine travelled from Riyadh to Jeddah on her way to celebrate ‘Eid with her family in London, she sent me a message – she had just thought of an excellent idea and wanted to share the blessings, ماشاالله . She thought it would be a good idea to purchase several copies of the “Fortress of a Muslim” book to give out tomorrow morning (Tuesday 16th Nov) after the ‘Eid salaah as spontaneous ‘Eid gifts.

سبحان الله, what a beautiful and fantastic act of ‘ibaadah! So, just as she shared this gift with me, I too have shared it with you…

(For more ideas of 'liitle' 'Eid presents to gift fellow Muslims with on the day of 'Eid, visit Darussalam bookshop situated in Central Masjid -Regents park: (tel) 020 7725 2246 or Walthamstow branch - (tel) 020 8520-2666.)

Have a great ‘Eid… تقبل الله من و منكم – May Allah accept it from you and us, ameen.

والسلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

'Only YOU Will Do'

When my soul feels stranded with none in sight, I turn to You Alone

When my heart feels empty with doubts in mind, I long to be with the unknown

When I fear to hear the unsettling silence, I hasten to call out to You

My Beloved of all do not abandon me,

For I know that Only You will do…

When my heart feels heavy, burdened with sins I‘m too ashamed to acknowledge Your Presence

When the days become cold, and the nights far too dark I reluctantly turn my gaze to the heavens

My Gracious Lord, You see my yearning heart And how desperately I turn to You

So my Beloved of all Please forgive my wrongs, For I know now - Only You Will do.

'It's been a While' - Poetry

It's been a while

I can't recall how long

But, the echoes of my inner thoughts

Continue to stumble on.

With a heart at peace

And a mind at rest

The echoes of my inner thoughts

Continue to race ahead.

No longer questioning

Where destiny lies

The echoes of inner thoughts

Create tears in my eyes.

Free of worries

And free of pains

The echoes of inner peace

Is now where my heart remains...

©May2010 Umm Thameenah

The Sweetest Realisation

A dear companion of mine, sent me one of the most beautiful messages I've recieved in a very long time, mashaAllah. A week after returning to Saudi, I received this in my text message inbox:

"One of the Salaf said:

"The people of this world are deprived. They left this world without tatsing the sweetest thing in it!" It was asked of him: "And what is that?"

He said "love of Allah, knowing Him and remembering Him."

So love knowledge and constant remembrance of Allah; lean to Him (Swt); feel tranquil with Him; single Him out for love, fear, hope, dependence and attention; such that He (Swt) Alone, is the main preoccupation of your heart and goals; such that He (Swt) is your paradise and delight of this world - which none other can compare to - and such that He (Swt) remains the coolness of your eyes, love of your heart and life of your soul... for true life is for those, who know Him."

Now that's what I call a beautiful reminder, mashaAllah ;)

A Glowing Flame

Salaam and Peace to you all

Recently, I've been thinking about the epitamy of 'life' and the meaning of true happiness. Unlike many other aspects of life these are entities which do not have 'universal' definitions. So, with this in mind, I decided to look up the word 'happiness' in the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary (2nd ed).

It states: "Happiness - the feeling of being happy"

... hmm, not exactly what I had in mind...

If you were given a list of words from which to choose and describe happiness, which three would you choose?

For me, happiness is not a state of living, for it is neither material nor is it tangible, rather, I hold it as a state of being. For happiness lives in the heart, mind and soul; uncaptured by words or expressions; born of an untainted inner realisation, with an existence truly only known, not to the seeker of happiness, no, rather to the receiver of happiness.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Abdul Wahhab (rahimahullah) states, there are three signs of happiness: "Grateful when you are given, Patient when you are tested, Repentful when you are disobedient". [Taken from, 'The Four Principles of Shirk']

Undeniably, happiness is a thought that fills the mind, occassionally roaming the fields in search of - no, rather in need of - the sweet tasting seeds that once pollunated a weak heart. Enabling it to forever remain, as it once was...

a glowing flame shielded from the harsh winds of life.

An unspoken belonging: a silent reflection

The blessing that once descended, A mercy uncomprehended, The unknown divine yearning, I long to capture the occasion.

A moment of contemplation, An hour of relocation, A glimpse of a belonging, I yearn to capture the occasion.

A favour of inspiration, A gift of realisation, An unspoken grace... I have captured the sensation.

Here and Now...

When I first arrived in Saudi Arabia, the 'culture shock' (that many took the liberty of kindly informing me about) was something I quickly adjusted to -alhamdulillah. Having resided here for three and a half months now, I can honestly say, I've only just begun to really appreciate the significant difference between my previous home and my present one, alhamdulillah.

The most difficult experience I've had to deal with since moving abroad, has been the absence of family members and, that of dear companions. It's not easy, no one ever said it would be, however with the grace and mercy of my Beloved (Subhaanahu wa ta'ala) it will become easier, insha'Allah. I've always considered myself to be someone that just simply 'gets on with it', despite where I am and what I'm having to deal with. And though I still somewhat consider this to be the case, I must admit: new environments; new people; new situations and everything that comes along with it, beckons a new discovery - the latest true self.

It might sound ironic but it's very easy to assume we know who we are. If you were to ponder this and truly assess the 'true you' - known only to Allah (Suhaanahu wa ta'ala) - the tested you, what would you fiind? For me, having to adjust to a new environment and 'find myself' - yet again - drew me to some home truths, enabling me to comprehend I was merely travelling along discovering small 'sheltered glimpses' of whom and what Allah had trained me to be.

A couple of weeks ago, during my visit to London, I met up with a couple of companions, an opportunity to 'catch - up' and enjoy one another's company once again, alhamdulillah. Sitting amongst them in their beautiful company was, and has always been, a gift from Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'ala). If I could, I would have stayed with them the whole night through. . .

Yes, my heart still longs for my beloved family; dear friends and even London itself - for the very place in which my Lord chose for me to be 'directed', 'guided' and where my affairs were beautifully facilitated, will always have its unique place in my heart.

Here and now, this is me; my life; my world; my discoveries... until this temporary abode directs me to my final one, insha'Allah.

Hikmatullaah - Al Hakeem: The Wisdom of Allah - The Wise

The situation of our sisters and brothers in Philistine has completely overwhelmed me… Across Saudi Arabia, sisters and brothers are sending awareness of the reality of the situation by informing others about companies, from the west, that need to be boycotted in every shape, manner and form. This is coupled with the active participation from university students, flocking together to donate countless of money towards their suffering families in Gaza.

I've contemplated this inconceivable reality during sleepless nights; reflected upon it; pondered over it; questioned... questioned... and questioned some more. My questioning is not of the situation, but rather of my own actions. ‘How am I, a supposed 'Muslim' behaving in the sight of Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'ala)?’ ‘What does my Lord, azza wa jal, want me to learn from this devastating situation, all of which is under His control?’ and ‘Am I really doing enough?’ As these questions continued to overflow, I suddenly remembered a very beautiful reminder I heard at a sisters' circle last week: situations occur as a means of testing people, thus though such events may not directly be linked to individuals, their final destination in the Aakhirah may very well depend upon it.

"When I wake up, I do not care what happens to me; whether it is good for me or bad for me, for I neither know whether it is good or bad. [And I trust in the decree of my Lord (Swt)]."

[A saying attributed to Umar ibn al-Khattab (radiAllahu anhu)]

As we continue to discuss this heartbreaking reality; make sincere du’a; collect countless of money in donations and shed heart-felt tears like never before, let us not forget... those that have passed us by - dying in the name of Islam have met their destiny, completed their tests and returned to Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta’ala)… For surely to Jannah are its inhabitants. The enemies have our Lord to answer to, their evil deeds to account for, Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta’ala) to face… And surely to Jahannam are its inhabitants.

For those of us that are left watching… reflecting… pondering … and questioning, let us be reminded that our Lord (Subhaanahu wa ta'ala) Sees and Knows ALL things. Thus, just as hardships may elevate a people and abase others, they are also an unequivocal means of testing others… those that are left behind.

"You may like a thing that is bad for you, and dislike a thing that is good for you, Allah Knows and you know not."

[Surah Al-Baqarah (2):216]

May Ar-Rahman aid the believers in passing this test by running to the aid of our sisters and brothers, as a means of seeking Allah’s pleasure, ameen.

Yaa Al-'Afuww shower Your forgiveness upon our sisters and brothers of Philistine, ameen. Yaa Rabbi grant them Your peace, security and refuge for truly You are As-Salam; Al-Muhaymin. Yaa Rabbi, grant our sisters and brothers refuge from Your Punishment, for verily You are Al-Jabbar. Yaa Al-Qadir, make for them a way out of their sufferings and deal with our enemies in the way that they deserve, ameen.

“Allahumma munzilal-kitaabi, saree’al-hisaab, ihzimil-ahzaaba. Allahumma ihzimhum wa zalzilhum”.

Ameen.

“Oh Allah, Revealer of the book, Swift to account, defeat the groups. O Allah defeat them and shake them”. Ameen [Imam Muslim(rahimahullah)]

Ameen Allahumma, ameen.

“Oh Allah You are Mightier than Your creation, there is none worthy of worship but You”. [Imam Bukhaari(rahimahullah)]

"Subhaanahka Allahumma wa bihamdika, ashadu alaa ilaha illa anta, wa astagfirooka wa atoobu ilayk."

"Glory be to You Oh Allah, I bear witness there is no god but You, and I seek Your Forgiveness and turn repentant to you."

The eyes may cry and the heart may feel sadness, but the tongue does not utter anything displeasing to Allah...

With du'a as our weapon and Al-Qawiyy (The Most Strong) as our Protector, who and what else could we possibly need? Alhamdulillah.

...Upon a sand-pebbled ground

A sharply chilled morning dawn, coupled with dusty particles eager to attach themselves to every sister's draping abaya (outer garment)... to many this might be the prelude for a not so attractive experience... however, for me, it was one to remember.

The build-up to the blessed three day 'Eid ul-Fitr celebrations were beautifully received, having been invited to a couple of iftaars, a reminder of the beauty of fasting in the first ten days of Dhul Hijjah (last month in the Islamic calendar). I couldn't help but feel he beauty of the approaching festival, though loving thoughts of my family across the ocean, lingered deeply in my mind. But, alhamdulillah, the fact that I knew I could just pick up the phone and hear their comforting voices subdued my overwhelming thoughts.

The sisters' iftaars I had the pleasure of attending was succeeded by a beautiful Istiraaha (gathered 'Eid celebration) on the Second day of 'Eid. A stunning garden boarded off by raised walls surrounding the area was the scene of the Istiraaha, scented with mouth-watering traditional Arab style dishes and an Asian style cuisine. Masha'Allah, the array of sisters from across the globe was a wonderful sight to see. Sisters from all backgrounds, in all shapes, forms and sizes decorated the open ground with their chosen 'Eid garments. Although I'm use to 'Eid dinners, gatherings and parties, this one had a slightly different feel to it... the sisters and children appeared so carefree, as though they didn't have a care in the world, masha'Allah - like many enjoying a unique lifestyle in the blessed city. And as much as the pre-'Eid iftaars and Istiraaha were beautiful to experience, one event, by far, was the highlight of my Saudi 'Eid experience...

Immediately following the Fajr salaah (dawn prayer) my sister and I proceeded to get ready for the 'Eid salaah. Now back in London, though my family and I would make it a habit to prepare ourselves straight after the dawn salaah - this was always with the aim of catching the first salaah, normally at 8:00am. So the thought that we'd be partaking in an 'Eid salaah as early as 6:30am... was a different experience to look forward to.

As we travelled to the prayer ground, my heart begun to race with excitement: I was about to experience the 'Eid prayer according to the sunnah (the way of the beloved Prophet - salallahu 'alayhi wa sallam), insha'Allah. Approaching the open musallah I observed a multitude of women, men and children making their way to the designated place of prayer. Unprepared for the temperature or the outdoor experience, my sister and I hastened to huddle up with a sister on her ground mat. The sharply chilled morning dawn air, coupled with dusty particles eager to speckle the garments of the worshippers, ironically soothed my soul. Here I was perched upon the ground mat of a 'stranger' - my sister-in-Islam - in a crispy chilled open-roof musallah, about to stand shoulder-to-shoulder and feet-to-feet with the purpose of uniting in the way of our Lord - our Beloved (Subhaanahu wa ta'ala). Fulfilling a recommended sunnah of the prophet (salallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) as a means of worshipping Allah - The Most High.

The sound of the Imam's voice - a reminder to straighten our lines and stand as close together as possible - indicated the salaah was about to begin. I glanced around, in hope of capturing 'a perfect' moment before losing it. My eyes took a quick glimpse of the ever-joyful children; the pleasantly plain and authentic walls of the musalla, the picturesque clear-blue sky and the beautifully covered all-in-black female worshippers perched... upon a sand-pebbled ground... Alhamdulillah - my moment had been captured.

Home, Sweet - Blessed Home

So… by the Grace of Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta’ala) it has happened… I’ve embarked upon a dream, one that appeared surreal, but which I held so dear to my heart. After years of preparing; nurturing and training my soul for its spiritual journey, my physical one has now begun... alhamdulillah.

The look on my sister’s face as I hugged and kissed her goodbye was enough to break me… and it did. As much as I had tried to suppress the tears, denying myself the right to release any emotion, there and then my attempt to ‘hold-strong’ suddenly burst forth, stubbornly refusing to withdraw. I knew what my leaving meant, but hadn’t really internalised its reality, until now. I was making hijrah, migrating for the sake of my Beloved (Subhaanahu wa ta’ala), to a land I had only ever dreamt about and marvelled at, but with deep-rooted love in my heart. The land of Tawheed – where I hoped to embark upon the next phase of my journey and to achieve what may not have been possible whilst remaining in the country I had always known as ‘home’.

And yet ironically, in my heart of hearts I knew there was another home… another place that I yearned to migrate to, longed to reside in and aspired to make a part of me… the home of the two sacred cities – where The country where the House of my Lord remained.

Departing from my beloved family and dear sisters and friends made me realise their true beauty and significance in my life. They have made me who I am and what I stand for. Allah (Swt) brought them to me and me to them for a purpose known only to Him (Swt) Alone. I am forever thankful for that, but only sorry that I hadn’t the wisdom to realise their worth long before. How often it is that we take for granted the blessing and jewels bestowed upon us, whether people or possessions, only to one day realise that the beauty of what we sought was all the while evident in what we had.

Those aspects of my life will remain apart of me and my continual journey, insha’Allah. So, as heartbreaking as it all was and as much as my eyes wept like a baby, this – my new life, new hopes and new aspirations - I never want to lose -insha'Allah.

As difficult as it was: leaving my loved ones, I knew, and took great comfort in the fact, that none of these things really mattered – not the people nor the possessions - for they were merely meant for Allah’s (Swt) Sake Alone: a means of seeking His (Swt) Pleasure, as an aid and guide to seeking nearness to my Lord (Swt).

So, as I settle and adjust to my new life, the words of my new companion resonates in my mind… ‘can you believe that after so many years… we’re finally home’.

SubhaanAllah, yaa ukht - I couldn’t have said it any better myself, wa- alhamdulillah.

"Every Cloud has a Silver Lining"

How many times have we experienced a situation and been quite unsure as to what course of action to take? Living every single day of our lives, performing every single action and experiencing every situation, requires careful thought and deep-rooted wisdom. It has often been the case, after plunging into a situation I viewed as 'minor', that the consequences resulted in something I could NEVER have possibly fathomed. Alhamdulillah. Thus, I stand by my experiences: there is no such thing as 'a meaningless situation' or 'an insignificant occurrence' . This our Lord informs us of, for there is great wisdom in all that is granted, great beautiful wisdom only known to Allah, The Most High.

In hindsight one may think, 'alhamdulillah, I now know why such and such took place' - but in actual fact - we most certainly do not. For wisdom, true incomparable wisdom belongs solely to our Beloved, Al-Hakeem - The Most Wise. We, dear readers, are only shown and only know what it is that Allah (Swt) allows.

It is not for us to try to solve the mysteries of our lives or our situations, for there may be times when we will stop and seriously ponder over matters and yet as much as we reflect, ponder and question, we may never know the real reason(s) why Allah (Swt) tested us in such a way. Does that mean that the situation is not one of goodness? No, rather, our train of thought, understanding and ability to truly accept that 'everything happens for a reason' needs to be deep-rooted in our hearts. For the actual 'reason' is the goodness - unknown to us, but always known to Allah (Swt). You see, the all too familiar 'every cloud has a silver lining' is our Lord's unfailing Promise:

"For indeed, after every hardship comes ease.

Indeed, after every hardship comes ease."

[Al-Inshirah (94): 5-6]

Thus, true belief, during times of great difficulty, is manifested through having patience; reliance and unwavering trust in The One Who - through His Magnificent Knowledge and Wisdom - enabled such situations to occur in the first place. So dear readers, take pleasure: great pleasure; be filled with peace and never forget to smile... for though you may not realise it ... you have every reason to.

Please ... Leave me out (a poem)

Don’t count me in …

I’m not one of you: never will, never want and never desire to.

You see, to you it’s like a game – a jest of follow me.

However, this is most certainly not where I yearn to be.

You have other false agendas, strange aims and goals.

Certainly not what a true lover lives and strives to uphold.

So, to put it to you bluntly, I don’t care for false presumptions.

For I think I’ve finally discovered what I definitely do not need.

And that, my fellow rival, is not to battle with thee.

©Oct 08 Umm Thameenah

... For, it was never about them anyway (part 2)

May this find you - dear readers in the best of mental, emotional, spiritual and physical states, ameen. A little something I came across whilst browsing through my text message inbox: a beautiful message sent to me by a dear and beloved sister-in-Islam, at a time ... when I needed it most...

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you ... but be honest anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight ... but go ahead and build it anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous ... but be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow ... but do good anyway.

You see dear readers, in the final analysis, only one thought should persist in the mind: it is all between you and your Beloved (Swt) - for it was never about them anyway...

My tears have now gone dry...

Have you ever stopped and wondered, wondered why certain things occur in the manner in which they do? Do you ever wonder why you keep being tested with the same situation again and again? Sometimes these thoughts cross my mind and then I have to stop, take a deep breath and revaluate. . . To be completely honest, the answer is really quite simple, thus I put myself to the test: Do you ask Allah (Swt) to forgive you your sins? All of them? Are you amongst those that ask Allah (Swt) to protect you from committing future sins? But then what? What do you do? Do you make every effort to make tawbah (repentance) every single night before going to sleep? No, for you probably exert extra caution in ensuring that you don’t displease your Lord in the first place? (Hmm?) Dear readers, if we really think about it – who are we fooling? Certainly not The Lord of the Worlds, for it is our soul alone that we are gambling with.

Why do we forget the effects of our trials a mere a few days after having experienced it? Were the shed tears not sufficient to remind us of the ache our heart painfully bore? When I think of my situations: tests; trials; as well as the blessings from Allah (Swt), I can’t help but wonder if my ‘re-living’ the actions again and again is as a result of my failure to produce worthy outcomes.

I recently brought myself to admit this reality: the beguilement of the soul by my very own pretences: ‘sweet hope’. I thought my wishful thinking had gained me true hope, but rather, maybe, it just simply covered my eyes with fake, often too familiar, wool. So as I sat, pondering; feeling sad and on the brink of despondency, something, not quite sure what or how, but something hit me and the heavy grey cloud hanging over my head begun to slowly disperse, with sudden beams of ray seeping through my thoughts. No! I refuse to believe that my Lord wants me to be filled with despondency. Of course we must ponder; reflect; and most certainly call ourselves to account, but to begin to lose hope – no, for verily that is tantamount to disbelief. So yes, I must continue to reflect and question – my own self – whilst simultaneously resting my heart assured that things will never be exactly as we want . . . and that’s okay, for we do not live for ourselves, we live for our Lord (Swt). Thus as long as we continue to strive and seek His pleasure wholeheartedly, with no corruption of the heart being present, then what could possibly be more comforting?

Well, of course a sign or indication that one is heading in the right direction would be great, however how exactly is one to know when that sign or indication arrives? So as I bring myself back to reality, I must remind my soul that this journey must still go on.

Over the rocky hills and mountains, through the deep ice-cold lakes and oceans and upon unpredictable terrain. . . the journey must still go on.

So as I sit wiping away at my tears and thanking Allah (Swt) for the trials that go experienced again and again and again, I feel a sense of contented victory at the fact that He (Swt) Knows me, not as I know myself, but far greater.

“If they repent then I am their beloved friend, for I love those who repent and I love those who purify themselves. If they do not repent, I am their physician (tabeebuhum), and I will try them with afflictions to cleanse them of their faults.”

[Ibn Qayyim (rh), ‘The Invocation of God’, p.83]

Alhamdulillah (all praises are to Allah), for my heart has once again found contentment - sweet and peaceful contentment. Thus I pause, reflect and sigh . . . Alhamdulillah . . . for my tears have now gone dry.

'Seeing the Good ... in Everything'

You must have felt like that before? Unsure of how to respond to a particular situation ... due to being unsure of what the situation truly meant.

Not very long ago a companion of mine broke some news to me, some news that would affect her life in a way that I simply couldn't understand. Yet, through such a testing time Allah (Swt) gave her the courage to remind me; "and it may be that you hate a thing though it is good for you; and love a thing though it is bad for you, Allah Knows and you know not." [Surah Al-Baqarah(2):216]

Truly I marvel at certain situations; the fact that sisters such as she - my dear companions - truly are unaware of how they give me strength, through their own ability to harbour it. So, as my companion informed me of her situation she so bravely concluded with a quote which, she probably has no idea, has stood as one of my bedrocks. Through testing times I have found immense solace and contentment, like nothing felt before. Dear readers, do not belittle the effect of a few words, for it may be those words that save a soul from destruction and consequently, gain you the ultimate love and pleasure of Allah (Swt). So I relate to you, what my companion related to me:

"When I wake up, I do not care what happens to me; whether it is good for me or bad for me, for I neither know whether it is good or bad. [And I trust in the decree of my Lord (Swt)]". [Umar ibn al-Khattab (ru)]

When hearing such beautiful and polished words, how can one not feel at ease? With the worries and concerns of this dunya quickly deteriorating . . . With that timeless quote in mind, I shall share with you a treasured moment of mine:

I remember a day I felt completely un-phased with the life of this world, briskly walking through the heavy rain to my parked car, with my intuition beginning to kick in: something was about to happen. I got into my car and drove out from a side road, after double-checking the roads were clear in both directions. Suddenly, all I could hear was an incredibly loud "BEEEEEEEEEP! " The sound of a horn - an automatic warning that something was wrong. As I turned to my right I could see the car coming towards me at full speed and all I could think of was ... I was not going to make it. I closed my eyes and just waited, waited for the vehicle to crash into the right side of my car, and for my body to feel its complete impact. . .

When I opened my eyes, to my amazement, nothing had occurred. By the grace of Allah (swt) the man's car had stopped no more than about half a centimetre from mine. He appeared furious, as though he was just waiting to deal with me. As I sat shaking my head, the man became even more angered and so decided to get out of his car and walk towards me. He angrily inquired as to why I was shaking my head, to which I simply replied through teary eyes: "The strange thing is, I had a feeling something was going to happen today, but I'm just so thankful to God that nothing did." To my amazement the man looked at me with sympathetic eyes, all signs of his anger quickly vanishing and he responded, "God was on our side."

Dear readers, the thought that my Lord (swt) enabled that man, even if it be for just one moment, to remember Him (swt), is a treasured moment. One that I have chosen not to forget... alhamdulillah.

An Oasis of Sunshine...

Isn't it amazing? You know ... the warm, squirmy feeling you get when you realise ... it's actually possible for your heart to feel true, sincere and indescribable .... love.

It's been over a year and a half; since I 're-discovered' a gift that changed my life... for good. To be precise it all started in Ramadhan 1427 - Oct/Nov 2006, when Allah (Swt) bestowed upon me a spiritual urge, the realisation that: Allah is with those that remember Him [Ibn Hanbal, Musnad, 10553]. If I asked you, who the noblest of human beings are, what would you say? Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyya (rahimahullah ta'ala) beautifully informs:

"The noblest of human beings who revere Allah is the man whose tongue is ever moist with His remembrance, who reveres Him through His laws and makes remembrance his watchword. For by his reverence will he achieve recompense and reward - to enter Paradise and be delivered from Hell.

By his remembrance will he achieve a spiritual station: nearness and intimacy with Allah (Swt)."

In fact dear readers, Ibn Qayyim (may Allah truly have mercy upon his soul, ameen) also states in 'The Invocation of God' that nothing is sufficient to resemble Allah (Swt) relationship with someone who remembers Him. "The relationship is even more particular than the one that occurs to the doers of good deeds or the reverent. Beyond expression or description, it is something known through direct experience."

Alhamdulillah, everyday, succeeding the moment I realised how much I needed, and will always need, to be near my Lord (Swt), has been an amazing learning curb. For those that have followed my journey, our magnificent journey, since January 2007, you're probably aware of the states - stations, tests - hardships, ups and downs of it all. You'll remember my: 'penny-drop' moments, 'sweetness of faith' realisations and my 'silent inner cries', alhamdulillah. The feeling I am inclined to disclose to you all is, to me, like one of those; 'I can't believe this is happening to me' moments. You know when you've longed and waited for something so much, so intensely, and yet as much as you've longed for that special something, there was always an atoms weight of doubt lingering at the back of your mind - will I ever really get there?

Recently, Allah (Swt) blessed me with something that touched the core of my heart and the depths of my soul. As I sat contemplating what this blessing meant, I cried, in a way that I hadn't cried for a while. Alhamdulillah, some of you know that I write for a few organisations, one of them being SISTERS Magazine (may Allah bless all their writers, ameen). Whilst those of you that simply know me as Umm Thameenah will have seen this 'disguise' besides a number of my works, insha'Allah. Alhamdulillah, I've been writing since I was eleven years old, masha'Allah, and have always viewed my writings as precious - 'my precious babies'. So when Allah (Swt) gave me the opportunity to write something, an article, on a topic that, (anyone who knows me will testify) couldn't have been a more beloved topic for me to address. Not only was the topic one of my favourites, but the notion that it would be read, shared and, insha'Allah, benefitted from, was overwhelming.

The topic 'The Greatest Love of All' is one that resides in my heart, lingers in my soul and brings true warmth to my self-being. Alhamdulillah, as I use a pseudonym, only a hand-full of sisters are aware of my published works, thus it enabled me to do what it is that Muslim writers should always feel free to do ... write simply for the sake of seeking Allah's (Swt) Pleasure.

For what is the use in writing something just for the sake of seekig approval, being praised, loved or honoured? No thank you. Let me be completely honest with you all, when I sat reading Issue 6 of SISTERS Magazine: 'Love is All Around', it reaffirmed and strengthened in me, what my heart had been trying to tell me all along. SubhaanAllah, my heart would silently cry through dark lonely nights as a result of me not acknowledging a basic fact ... this heart has no room for temporary fulfilments; for the pleasure of Allah (Swt) is all it truly seeks.

As one course lecturer once stated: "Modernity teaches: 'you are free to do what you want. But Islam, frees you from wants".

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillhi Rabbil 'alameen. Dear readers, I am free, free from the unattainable wants, baseless desires and insignificant concerns and worries of this temporary world. So, the futile and idle pursuits of this transient world will just have to find another victim to pursue.

And just as I narrate these inner thoughts to you, the words once spoken to me by my secondary school History teacher comes to mind:

"You are an oasis of sunshine in a mad forsaken world."

And that, dear readers, is now exactly as I feel, alhamdulillah :-)

A Beauty of Islam

The expression on her face was almost one of disgust. As she entered the doorway, she stood, stroking her straight blond hair, its length just above her shoulders. Her presence was one of formality; confidence and professionalism clearly evident in her stance. Though her appearnace was one of a casual form; a fitted white t-shirt coupled with straight black trousers somehow only emphasized her formality. I easily imagined her questioning the stupidty of my attire, my naive reluctance to accepting whatever excuse 'he' (probably assuming I were married) had given me for why I must be dressed as I was. Of course these words were not uttered; but having heard more than my share of 'innocent comments', I could pretty much sense what was coming next... "So tell me something?" She began. "Why do you have your face covered and she doesn't?" She looked towards my colleague, who was wearing a hijab (headscarf) and jilbab (outer garment) and then back at me. I knew whatever answer I gave, I'd most certainly have to speak with wisdom, or ... remain silent...

Through her short time with me and my colleagues, all of whom wear the Islamic attire, she smiled, joked and laughed. Realising that we teachers; Muslim teachers were just as sociable as any other teacher, she said: "I really like you guys, you're all really lovely". Suddenly our "costumes" and the difference in our beliefs seemed not to be a barrier, on the contrary, it was a means of comfort to both parties.

... Just before leaving, she turned towards me, waiting for an answer to her question. Eyes gazing at me, as though she'd been waiting for this opportunity for some time now. "Well you see," I began. "Imagine a teacher said to her students 'if you complete questions 1 to 10, I'll be so pleased with you'." I paused, wondering whether the 'teacher-student' scenario would work with her. "However," I continued "if you attempt questions 1 to 20, I'll be even happier'." I gave her time to follow my train of thought before concluding. "Well ... I'm the student doing questions 1 to 20". As I ended my explanation she smiled, letting out a small sound of laughter. As I returned the smile, she begun to nod her head in agreement, somehow satisfied by the response. I accompanied her on her way out, not forgetting to shake her hand and give her a warm hug, customary amongts us 'sisters'. And, with such a sincere embrace, I thanked Allah (Swt) for granting me this opportunity to show what often goes unseen - good character - a beauty of Islam.

Allah (Swt), is as His servant thinks He is

Last week, I was blessed with a gift. Something that ... to be completely honest - could only have been from Allah (Swt).

There are a small amount of sisters, of whom, I've been honoured to meet their acquaintances. These sisters are not covered from head-to-toe neither do they have an immense amount of 'ilm (knowledge), but they have left with me precious jewels. These sisters have taught me what it means to show gratitude; devotion and to completely place oneself at the mercy of one's Lord - trusting in Him, like none else.

So, along with these beautiful sisters I embarked upon a task, one just for my Lord (Swt). Many people were convinced that the task ahead of us (9 muslimahs) was unrealistic and running on nothing but false hopes. However, with something that normally took years to achieve, the head of our group was adamant and completely convinced that we would and could do it in just three months... Our critics knew that this, if at all possible, would need sacrifice, dedication and devotion like never before. Although we completely agreed with this, there was just one thing they failed to realise ... above all of these significant qualities, was a quality that, in our hearts, rose far and beyond ... tawakkul - trust.

I thank my Lord (Swt), my Protector, my Beloved ... though doubt, insha'Allah, didn't enter my mind, when we received the wonderful news I was in a state of shock; not because I doubted my Lord's capability (may Allah protect me from such a thing), but, I - we - felt a sense of honour beyond anything words could possibly describe. Tears overtook me, as I wept like a baby; my heart filled with love and sincere awe of my Lord (Swt). I realised (as I tend to be reminded with every situation with which this occurs), that my Lord (Swt), despite whatever the situation may be, will, most definately, always make a way out of every situation ... for those that truly trust in Him (Swt).

Do not let it be a mere thought dear readers... rather, let it be a concrete convinction, insha'Allah. And ... may it always be so, ameen.

An Inevitable Awakening

I awoke this morning, in the midst of the night, grateful for another day to go on.

But something remained lingering, at the back of my mind; the inevitable soon to be shown.

Such a profound realisation, is not given to all but truly only bestowed upon a few.

Dear companions fillah, very soon death will choose.

But the question isn't when ... it's whom?

©Feb 2007 Umm Thameenah

The destroyer of desires ... a lesson for us all.

A few months ago, a dear sister and companion of mine gave me some heart-breaking and unexpected news... her dad was very ill and had been given a few months to live.

I remember when she told me, I felt somewhat numb and disturbed - why? - only once before had I been aware of someone being told that their precious time was slowly drifitng away; and that person (may Allah have mercy upon them, ameen) passed away within months. Thus to hear this again, I didn't quite know how to handle it, but for sure I was not going to let it pass me by without taking heed.

She sent me a message, over a month ago; a simple and yet profound reminder on the reality of death and the uncertainty of life. I could sense through the undertone of the message that something was not quite right... and a few days later, she sent out a message asking sisters to make du'a for her abu - her beloved dad - for he had returned to The Beloved (Swt), The Creator of the Heavens and the Earth... our Lord (Swt).

I sent a message of condolence, trying very hard to be as careful as possile with my choice of words. Though she and her sister kindly accepted and thanked me for 'my continuous du'as (supplications)', 'love and support', I knew there was nothing I could have done or said to take away her pain. [sigh]

What we forget is that we're all in the same boat. Each and every one of us is nearing towards our death, but whether we choose to accept it or not is another matter. The difference between us is that some have been given a wonderful gift - 'the gift of anticipation'. Though terminally ill servants of Allah (Swt) do not know the exact time or place of their death (though they're given some sort of 'indication'), they naturally begin to prepare for it, as they are constantly awaiting the inevitable. All they are reminded of its death, and though we too know we must meet the same fate, we assume ours will take place when we'r good and ready.

So I ask you . . . who is most certainly better off? We or they?

I read my dear companion's message on dealing with the death of her dad and as much as I tried to hold back my tears, they gushed forth like a riverbank... and she states:

"My family and I knew that this day would come, we tried to prepare, but we made a mistake of preparing alone at first. Sometimes we need others to help prepare us, not just for death but the journey towards it. I read a quote, not sure where, it read “We are not living, but dying slowly”… how true, how simple yet how easy to forget.

"My non Muslim friend asked me if I was angry! Never did that emotion come into my heart, although you do feel a wave of emotions filling your heart and soul, anger is not one of them. I think one of the reasons why it didn’t is because I had comfort in knowing that he has gone to a better place, there were many good signs of his end, and till this day there is still a source of comfort when I think back on those signs. All of us have to go one day, Allah saw it fit to take my daddy at this time. He gave me the best thing in the world, Allah gave me the best dad, in ways which no one but me will understand. When the time was right, when Allah knew I was able to handle it, He took my dad to the next stage of his life. My mum says it feels like he’s gone somewhere and we will see him soon. I replied and said that’s exactly what it is, he’s gone to Allah, his journey in this life has ended, but as for us, we still have travelling to do, how long that will take, we don’t know. That’s why we must take as much provisions and prepare as much as we can for death."

I can't envisage what she and her family must be going through, not even an atoms weight. I have never experienced death in my family, and though sisters often think that's a great blessing - yes, masha'Allah most certainly. However, I just can't help but think "the longer you grow with people the harder it becomes to say goodbye". When that time comes, by Allah (Swt) it'll be nothing but an absolute test of faith... and one that I pray, like my dear comapnion, I'll have the courage and strength to accept for the sake of my Lord (Swt), ameen.